From the very beginning of time, dating back to Adam and Eve in the garden, it has been in man's nature to hide. I am certainly no exception to that. (btw, I don't care one bit about the politically correct crap going on out there, we are all part of mankind. Gad created man, and out of the man, woman. I will automatically use "man" when referring to any person, regardless of gender, who belongs to mankind.) Men try to hide their sin, try to hide from their sin, try to hide from God, and from others. I must confess that I am guilty of much hiding. I struggle with hiding from God, and hiding my sins from Him and others. Stemming from that, I struggle with hiding my very self. One of my greatest fears is being vulnerable, or of revealing my vulnerability. Using cryptic words (as I am fond of doing), I will attempt to explain:
The most vulnerable words I write are for no other eyes but mine.
The most vulnerable words I say are for no other ears but mine.
The most vulnerable thoughts remain where no one can perceive them.
The most vulnerable looks are made when no other will see them.
The most vulnerable music I create is for myself alone.
The most vulnerable me remains hidden unless I am alone.
My attempt to hide my extreme vulnerability has long been a trial of mine that I can never overcome. Like all men, I have been hiding things since as far back as I can remember; and as far back as I can remember, I have been trying to hide my vulnerability. Feeling incredibly exposed already, I must end as much remains hidden.
2 comments:
Much wisdom here, dear friend. It's true, isn't it? Every struggle, every challenge, every weakness finds its root back there in the garden. But so does the promise of restoration and healing. As surely as God sought out Adam and Eve and invited them into His presence, so He invites us to stand naked and vulnerable before Him. Sounds like He's inviting you to something, my barefooted, tree climbing friend!
I was just thinking about this!
I have this friend that I've been getting together with for a few years. Our conversations are always super upbeat and generally go, "How is everything with you?" "perfect! let me tell you how perfect!" "great! let me tell you how perfect things are for me too!"
But about a month ago she had a crisis and our conversation was more like, "actually... nothing is perfect because we're sinners... let's talk about that..."
And I still hide a lot of things, but I'm starting to realize that God created us for community and part of that means making ourselves vulnerable and opening up to each other.
But it's so hard. I know what you mean.
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