For the first time in my college career, I went home for my fall break! Or for that matter, for the first time in my college career I went home at all during fall semester! Freshman and Sophomore years (and yes, I do say FreshMAN, don't give me any of that "politically correct" crap, I don't care! Sheesh, we are mankind!) I did not go home until Christmas break. Now granted, Freshman year I visited my sister out in Chicago once during the semester and stayed with her for Thanksgiving, but still, for my very first semester at college, I did not go home. Last year I spent fall break at a friend's house and spent Thanksgiving with my best friend. This year, finally, I went home. Gosh did (do) I ever need home!
I've underestimated how much home means to me. As a freshman, I thought I was so independent, that I wanted to get away from home for a while and would be just fine without my family and everyone else. At the end of first semester, just a couple weeks before heading home, I was hit by a long put-off wave of homesickness that strangely enough hit even harder when I actually was home. It was just seeing my Daddy's huge smile at the airport, being swept up into his big, loving hug, feeling his whiskery kiss on my forehead (from his new growth of what I call his Grandpa Beard), and the way he took my hand as we walked around waiting for my luggage. Just that overwhelmed me with a sense of all that I missed. And then going home to where my siblings where, having stayed up late to see me, I couldn't believe how much I missed them even as I saw them.
Even though that showed me how much I loved and missed my family, I still viewed myself as independent. I did go home for Spring break and the summer, but did not go home at all during the following Fall Semester. That time my sister was no longer going to school the next state over so I couldn't even go visit her a couple times like I did freshman year. Staying at school that whole time was a pretty stupid decision. But then what did I do? I went home for Spring break, but then spent the entire summer at school! Dumb reasons that I regret now, but there were some good things that came out of it.
Now I have finally learned from all my mistakes. I finally realize the value of home and all that it means to me, and I finally went home for break. But now as for why there's sadness. I've realized lately that when I left home for college, I truly left home. Anytime I go back now, it's to visit. I'm not just going to college as a temporary thing, then just go back home when I've finished. At that point, I will only "visit" home again before grad school, visit home on breaks, then after I graduate from there I will need a home and a job of my own. I wish things didn't have to change like that. I just want to go home and stay home with my family. But even that changes. My two older siblings are married and out of the house now. My brother is in school and will leave the house once he graduates. My sister will graduate HS when I graduate college, and will therefore head out somewhere for school. (The youngest brother still has a ways to go.)
Life changes, and I'm not so sure I like it. But I'm going to do my best to enjoy the time I have left with my family and make the most of it.
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