Home! (with a touch of sadness)

For the first time in my college career, I went home for my fall break! Or for that matter, for the first time in my college career I went home at all during fall semester! Freshman and Sophomore years (and yes, I do say FreshMAN, don't give me any of that "politically correct" crap, I don't care! Sheesh, we are mankind!) I did not go home until Christmas break. Now granted, Freshman year I visited my sister out in Chicago once during the semester and stayed with her for Thanksgiving, but still, for my very first semester at college, I did not go home. Last year I spent fall break at a friend's house and spent Thanksgiving with my best friend. This year, finally, I went home. Gosh did (do) I ever need home!

I've underestimated how much home means to me. As a freshman, I thought I was so independent, that I wanted to get away from home for a while and would be just fine without my family and everyone else. At the end of first semester, just a couple weeks before heading home, I was hit by a long put-off wave of homesickness that strangely enough hit even harder when I actually was home. It was just seeing my Daddy's huge smile at the airport, being swept up into his big, loving hug, feeling his whiskery kiss on my forehead (from his new growth of what I call his Grandpa Beard), and the way he took my hand as we walked around waiting for my luggage. Just that overwhelmed me with a sense of all that I missed. And then going home to where my siblings where, having stayed up late to see me, I couldn't believe how much I missed them even as I saw them.

Even though that showed me how much I loved and missed my family, I still viewed myself as independent. I did go home for Spring break and the summer, but did not go home at all during the following Fall Semester. That time my sister was no longer going to school the next state over so I couldn't even go visit her a couple times like I did freshman year. Staying at school that whole time was a pretty stupid decision. But then what did I do? I went home for Spring break, but then spent the entire summer at school! Dumb reasons that I regret now, but there were some good things that came out of it.

Now I have finally learned from all my mistakes. I finally realize the value of home and all that it means to me, and I finally went home for break. But now as for why there's sadness. I've realized lately that when I left home for college, I truly left home. Anytime I go back now, it's to visit. I'm not just going to college as a temporary thing, then just go back home when I've finished. At that point, I will only "visit" home again before grad school, visit home on breaks, then after I graduate from there I will need a home and a job of my own. I wish things didn't have to change like that. I just want to go home and stay home with my family. But even that changes. My two older siblings are married and out of the house now. My brother is in school and will leave the house once he graduates. My sister will graduate HS when I graduate college, and will therefore head out somewhere for school. (The youngest brother still has a ways to go.)

Life changes, and I'm not so sure I like it. But I'm going to do my best to enjoy the time I have left with my family and make the most of it.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Plan me no plans, I'm in no rush.

So it seems that everyone wants to play matchmaker for Rachel right now. ??? *sigh*

Rachel has become immersed in the Greencastle culture and community since she spent all her summer here and really got to know the people. She now has many wonderful friends in the community (adults, she loves adults), that she has various activities, concerts, rehearsals, meetings, and church with. So now what happens to her? The women take deep interest in her personal life and ask her about relationships, some even going so far as to hint at particular people and try to set her up. Bah. Rachel doesn't need or want that right now. She is just too busy, not ready for all that, and is actually pretty happy with life right now. (plus she is going on for several more years of schooling after she graduates in '11, so why bother with a boy right now?) Tonight was the first time that a man tried to play matchmaker for Rachel. Yeah, interesting. Let me tell you something, no matter how nice a guy is and no matter how much fun you can have hanging out with him as a friend, a 20 year old girl and a 39 year old guy just isn't going to work. (there are other reasons, but that is definitely the most obvious.) It is, admittedly, rather amusing, but definitely not what Rachel needs right now.

Anyway, Rachel will stop speaking in the third person, end her little blurb, and go back to her homework.

A fun night to close off a very stressful week.

My weeks are just a continuous cycle of stress, with this past week being the worst one yet. But last night I had a wonderful time! My professor for my Words in German music class wanted us to go see Die Zauberflöte together next month since we'll be studying it, but there was another opera this weekend called Ariadne auf Naxos. Neither are required, but Die Zauberflöte is highly recommended and Ariadne auf Naxos was just a good idea. Well, the prof didn't bring up the opera this weekend until Monday.... so it was difficult to figure out who wanted to/was able to go, and work out those details. Three of us wanted to go, but none of us have cars and I am the only one with a driver's license. So.... yeah, complicated. One of the girls thought she could borrow a room-mates car, but we found out last night that nope, no car. So... we got out of orchestra rehearsal at 5:30 knowing we would have to leave by 6:30, and had no car. The girl who said she could get the car decided not to go, so the other girl and myself were going crazy trying to find someone with a car that either we could borrow or who wanted to come along. (our prof lives an hour away so we couldn't get a ride from him or anything.) Finally, after a lot of asking and stressing, I was able to borrow one of my room-mates cars. That was 6:30. I then had to run from the other girl's house to go print up directions on my way to my duplex on the opposite side of campus. We both changed super quickly, I grabbed the keys to the car and picked up the other girl and we were off at about 6:45. (according to the directions, it's supposed to take 1 hour 7 minutes, and the opera started at 8. really cutting it close.) I decided I would have to speed the whole way, at least 5 miles over the limit. I don't like to speed. The worst part is that the highways here in Indiana are 70... minimum of 65. I had never gone that fast before. I also have a terrible sense of direction and hate driving when I have no clue where I'm going. But we were a good team. I had a great time getting to know the other girl better on the way. We arrived at the opera just barely in time to get tickets, but had to sit in the back of the ground floor for the first act since we wouldn't be able to get to our seats in the third balcony in time. At the end of the first act, we went up to the third balcony and showed the ushers our tickets, and they told us that if we wanted to, we could go down to the second balcony and take some of the free seats there. So- we ended up sitting in some box seats that would have been really pricey, hehe! We had a great view of the pit, but it was actually kindof awkward to lean over the rail a little bit to see some of the action on stage. But anyway, back to intermission, because this part is important. After we took our seats in the balcony, our prof started talking to us about our past opera experiences. He had already found out that I had never been before, and was asking the other girl what she had seen and where. Then he turned to me and asked where I was from. I told him from CT and he said yeah, I thought so since I noticed that your area code when you called me was 860. At first I thought it was my mom since she still lives in CT. It turns out that he grew up in Storrs and I live in North Windham, mere minutes away! We were both so surprised to find that out about each other and immediately started talking about the area and what we new about it. So cool!

After the opera was over, the other girl and myself headed out to find a gas station and then make our way back. (It was already 11 at night.) On the way back, we looked through some of my room-mates CD's and ended up listening to Michael Jackson.... after seeing a Strauss opera... and then found out we both listened to NPR shows and started talking about Prairie Home Companion, Car Talk, etc. So cool! Once we got back to campus, I watched the end of the Mask of Zorro with my room-mates, love that movie! Very strange sequence to the night though. Dress rehearsal for concert celebrating the 125 anniversary of the school of music, Strauss opera, Michael Jackson, NPR, then the Mask of Zorro. But heck, it was a lot of fun! (the to top it off I slept until 1:00. Loveliness! So yeah, it was a wonderful night to make up for a terrible week.

I am now listening to some more Michael Jackson... (whom I've never really listened to before)...writing this post, obviously, working on a crocheted hat, and waiting for the wonderful dinner two of my room-mates are making, after which I shall proceed on to the 125 anniversary, Old Gold weekend concert! Woot!!!

Why are we always in such a hurry? Why do we rush through life?

This is a question that has been in the back of my mind for some time, but I've been thinking about it a lot more since the beginning of the summer. I did a lot of house-sitting over the summer, and therefore had the use of other people's cars. (I do not yet have one of my own.) I am from Connecticut and people are always in a hurry there, but I stayed in sweet little Greencastle Indiana for the summer, and guess what? People are in a hurry even here! The experience of driving to and from work everyday, plus trips to the store and to see friends, has increased my awareness of how impatient people are on the road, and due to that observation I've been thinking about how impatient people are in life as well. I'll start with the road, since I think that is a very obvious example, yet a very insightful key to other areas of life.

Greencastle is a sweet, homey little town, and is really very beautiful in the surrounding countryside. The homes I stayed at were all just out of town in lovely, friendly little neighborhoods. To get to the last home I stayed at you leave all the main roads behind and drive on a twisty little country road, and boy was it ever scenic! Once you leave town the landscape just opens up, there are a few hills with great views and little farms here and there. Oh I loved that drive. The road starts at 30 mph, later increasing to 45 mph, but cars would always pile up behind me because I was going the speed limit, then go roaring past me at the first opportunity. Why? Why were they so impatient? The summer was fairly mild, perfect for driving with the windows down, and the mornings were absolutely lovely. Why then were people in such a rush to get where they were going rather than enjoying the life around them? I've been teased about being a "cloud-watcher", and it is true that as a passenger in a car I spend most of my time looking at the clouds and all the scenery around rather than paying the slightest attention to how we were getting to wherever we were going. (Thus my wretched sense of direction.) I've always been a nature lover, but it doesn't necessarily follow that you have to be a nature lover to enjoy life instead of rushing through it.

Back to the road. When I would drive to work in the morning I could somewhat understand the impatience of the other drivers. They just wanted to get to work too, and this young girl was stubbornly going the speed limit, if not a couple miles under. But you know what? If they weren't always in such a rush and oblivious to the beauties of life around them, they could plan to leave just 5-10 minutes earlier and enjoy the drive to work! Is everything really about saving those couple minutes? People try to find all the shortcuts, "save" a minute here and there, shave off a couple seconds from this or that, but why? For what? What do they do with those few minutes of saved time?

So ok, people will be impatient on the road in the morning because they just want to get to work as quickly as possible, right? Well then, why is it that in the middle of a lovely afternoon, people are still impatient as ever on the road? Why is it that any time of the day at all, everyone's just in one big rush? You know, for many people, the time they spend on the road is the closest thing they'll get to enjoying nature. The rest of the time they're locked away in a little cubicle typing away on a computer, or glued to the couch watching TV. Why not enjoy the break from all that and take your time on the road? If I had a car I would totally go out on pleasure drives. As it is, I rarely use my bike and walk everywhere instead. (The best part about that is the opportunity to go barefoot... :D :D :D)

I just don't understand why people are so concerned with getting wherever they're going as fast as possible, and not only that, but why they are determined to do so while secluding themselves from all interaction with people and/or nature. I was talking with a professor earlier this week about how travel has changed over the years. Everyone used to use trains, and taking the train used to be a very social thing. People talked with each other, there were dinner cars, concerts, bars, card games, all kinds of stuff. Now if you take a train, you keep to your own seat and ignore everyone else. Same thing with buses and planes now. You may be forced to travel with other people, but you can still seclude yourself from everyone. Yay for technology... Phones, ipods, computers, mini DVD players, etc. And then we have the car. You drive to work alone in your personal metal cage, secluding yourself from all the others on the road in their own metal cages.

I guess I just don't really belong to this day and age. But I'm stuck here and there's really not anything I can do about it. Maybe someday I can live in a quiet little town similar to Greencastle. I'd like to be away from the bustle of life, yet still have people around and have some simple stores in the vicinity. I'd like to be friends with the people in my neighborhood and to have a friendly, close community. But I don't know if my prospective profession will allow me that life. I may end up needing to drive into a busy city somewhere to work at a hospital or some such place. I know that if that's where I'm needed, I'll go, but I refuse to actually live in a city. I would kill myself if I had to do that. But who knows, perhaps I'll end up working in a smalltown hospital or nursing home. I'd like that a lot. I'll write a post about all my career thoughts later on. (I realize that I never actually migrated away from the road and so did not talk about the other areas of life in which people rush and are impatient. Oh well, thoughts for another post.) But for now, I am going to enjoy an absolutely lovely Saturday in the fall.

Oh life.....

So the day has come when I once again have a computer.... except that I no longer have my power cord.... they have lost it. Meh. Hopefully going four weeks without easy access to a computer will help me to limit the amount of time I spend on my computer now. But you know, I just don't have any time on my hands anyway. This semester is sooo crazy. If I manage to survive with some semblance of sanity intact, it will be a miracle. I just may have taken on more than I can handle right now... but darn it all, I am going to stick with it all! But oh man..... 9 classes.... plus 12 hours of work a week..... plus homework, practicing...... eating..... sleep? *sigh* There's no way all of those things can happen, or at least not to a sufficient degree. But ack, can't start complaining. I have been having some fun as well. I love living with my girls, even if I rarely see them, and even if the dudes downstairs play their music so loud you can feel the bass thrumming through your bed.... but that's why I have purchased ear plugs. :) One thing that's helping me cope is my knitting group. (I'm a crocheter, actually, but they let me join them, haha.) I have planned into my schedule twice a week when we all meet, and even though I usually end up doing homework during our noontime meeting halfway through the week, it's still nice to relax with those wonderful ladies. I have really grown to love so many people from this community, and I'm so glad I have so many good friends I can go to if I need to, or to just know that they are there for me.

Other random tidbits, since my mind is wandering and I should go to bed soon.....
-First orchestra concert of the season is on Sunday, it's going to be fun! We haven't had as long to rehearse as we'd like, but oh well, we'll be fine.
-I'm back to my anonymous vandalizing of my professor's door..... well ok, not vandalism, but... mischief I suppose you could say. Harmless mischief. :P
-More people have been noticing my barefeet this past month than the past two years, it's pretty awesome! It's funny how you can go a couple years before people finally start to notice there's something a little odd going on...

Ok, that's all for now. I will have to write again later, and hopefully something substantial, unlike my posts up to date.