I knew I didn't want to get involved in the theater...

I don't think I ever wrote anything about working for a theater show.... if I did, I didn't go into much detail. So there is a student-run production getting ready to go up this weekend. I'm friends with the director, the musical director, the accompanist, the band members, the sound tech person and the light tech person (as well as several members of the cast), so when the music director started asking around for someone to stage manage, I volunteered. I'm the House Manager in the school of music, and manage all the large events and do a lot of stage managing for smaller events as well, so I thought working a theater show would be good experience too. It's turning out to be a lot rougher than I had expected, and I'm being reminded over and over again of why I didn't want to get involved in the theater.... ever. Sure I've played in pits, and even that is plenty enough and even more than enough for me. But oy.... it's rough. It's actually not so much any one element, but mostly the combination of several. Well, I suppose one in stronger than the others, but it's still the combination that's the worst.

I came to the scene rather late. Everyone had their parts and were learning them, musical rehearsals were being held, dance rehearsals were being held, the set was being built, all that had been going on before I was brought on board. I went to a couple meetings, but didn't really get started with the show until last week. Since then, I've had three hours of my evening eaten up every day by the rehearsals. Evenings are my only free time to actually do homework....Now I don't even have that time. The director is getting pretty stressed over the show, since it goes up this weekend and things are still pretty rough in a lot of ways. I'm kindof like her buffer, and almost her personal slave. I do want to help her, and try to do so in every way I can, but it's taking a lot out of me. I now know almost every line in the show, every song in the show, all the cue lines, who is supposed to be where when, who takes care of what props when, where, and how, and so much more. I've been sitting next to the director the past two nights as we've run the show and had her give me all her comments to type up, meanwhile also listening to the band so I could provide feedback to them as well. I also show up early and stay late to help set the stage and then clear it again. It's just really busy and stressful. Because it's put on by students (only a little help from some faculty), resources are limited. Until tonight we were without soundboard or lightboard personnel. We had someone who was supposed to design lights, but hadn't come at all yet, and someone who was going to help with sounds, but he was in the show so he couldn't run the board. I went crazy all yesterday and today trying to find someone and finally got someone who could help. That's one thing taken care of.

Yeah, it's just a lot of details and stuff to care for, plus I have all the director's anxiety and stress spilling over onto me. That whole bit just is not my scene. I hold my own pretty well, but that's partly the problem. There's so much that needs to be done, so I throw myself into it and try to do as much as absolutely possible. At the same time, I'm getting frustrated, worn out, and just tired, but I can't let people know that, so I have to work even harder to hide that and maintain my cool. I have to remain collected and always know what's going on and what needs to be done. That gets old.... I can't wait for this to be over.

Now for the biggest part. I can't stand swearing. At all. Of course, here in college (and everywhere else too I suppose, it's just worse here), everyone swears practically every other word. The show actually has a lot of bad language in it, but the director wants it to be "family friendly", so everyone has had to go through their parts and make substitutions. There are still things that slip through, and I think I'm the only one who notices. I'm actually enjoying the show for the most part. I love the songs and many of the story lines. There are a few things I don't particularly care for, but overall, at least I like the show. It's just that whenever people miss lines, talk about things, or esp. when the director goes over stuff with the cast that all the swearing breaks loose and I can't stand it! That's probably what makes all the hours the hardest. I could deal with the stress better if I wasn't also constantly frustrated with everyone around me swearing all the time for no reason at all. I cringe every single time I hear a cuss word, but it's just second nature to them and they don't notice at all.

My other reason for never wanting to get involved in the theater doesn't really come into play here, but I'll mention it briefly so you have a better picture of my thoughts. This applies more to if I were to act, but also spreads to those who do. I disagree with the idea of playing parts that go against my morals, or the morals of a Christian. I would never play a part where someone says or does something I myself would never say or do. I don't think any Christian should play parts that require them to say or do things that go against what the conduct and language of what a Christian should be. I don't care if it's just "acting", it's the fact that you as a Christian seem to be sanctioning things because you are acting them out on stage. You demean yourself and what you stand for if you compromise and play parts on the stage that don't hold with your beliefs and how you should act accordingly. But anyway. I should stop now and study for my psych exam. I just needed to vent a bit. Gosh am I ever ready for the stress of everything to be over.

Earthworms

So I like to go across the way to this little place, never sure whether to call it an athletic trail or a park.... I think it's known as both.... but anyway, I like to go there in the evenings/at night to walk or just sit. It has such a peaceful atmosphere at night. Almost no one ever goes there at night. There were a couple evenings, before it was too late, that I saw some people jogging around the park, but not in it. There were two other evenings that a few people came to walk the labyrinth, but for the most part I'm the only one who occupies it at night. I will have to take pictures and put them up sometime.

Tonight, I actually didn't walk the labyrinth, or the paths, or the circumference of the park, like I usually do. I didn't even sit on the edge of the slight decline into the field hockey field. I actually just sat on one of the many rocks lining the paths. I spent an hour and a half just sitting there. After a few minutes of sitting, I started to sense motions in the grass in front of me. At first I thought it was just a very slight breeze, more noticeable because the grass was wet and glistening from the light rain earlier in the day. Then when I looked closer, I saw that what was actually causing the disturbance in the grass was the stirring of several earthworms, starting to poke their way out of the dirt. We had thunderstorms last night, a few few light showers today, and we're supposed to get some pretty big storms tonight.

As I sat watching the worms wiggle their way out of the dirt, I started to think about the strange concept of instinct in animals. In all the times I have been in that park I have never seen worms coming out like that, but this time was different, because this was after one rain and right before an even bigger rain. These simple insects somehow knew that rain was on its way, and they were making their way to the surface so they wouldn't suffocate in the too-saturated soil. As cool as it was to think about that, a touch of sad irony came with that. Whenever there's a big rain the sidewalks on campus are covered with worms of all sizes and it's pretty gross. The picture is quite different after the rains abate. As the sidewalks dry, the majority of the worms are stranded and begin to dry out, but by the next morning there are very few remains left. I assume the birds had a lovely little buffet in the morning. Here the worms are preparing to escape one threat on their lives, only to lose to another threat.

I personally think worms are really gross, and hate it when they get all over the sidewalks and spoil my enjoyment of the rain. (I would totally continue to walk barefoot in the rain too, if it weren't for the fact that I really really do not want to be walking on slimy worms with my bare feet.) Though I am not fond of the creatures, I did begin to feel a sympathy towards them, and even felt sorry for them and their fate. Their simple existence is limited to fertilizing the soil and providing sustenance for the birds. It almost seemed unfair to me that the worms would escape the suffocation of the wet soil only to be eaten by the birds. But then I looked at it the other way, and thought about how it benefited the birds. These thoughts on how the food chain works led to thoughts on God's design in creation. From that point, due in part to the conducive atmosphere of the park, my thoughts turned to God's design in life. The fact is that there is a Designer and a design, but it can be so hard to see both at times.

Right now I kindof feel like one of those worms. I am slowly crawling out of the safety of my habitat in anticipation of the storm that is to come. I am shivering as I lay cold, exposed, and alone, hoping that I survive the threat of a predator snatching me up.