Life can be such a pain.

Why is it that the one thing you really need to do is the one thing you want most not to do? Why is it that the more you realize the need to do that thing the more you try desperately to avoid it? It seems that for every small step towards it is matched by another step away, and I'm just not really getting anywhere. Uncertain, hesitant, increasingly frustrated and frayed. Moody and tired of wearing a mask, but the mask is my safety, I can't give it up.