Sunday, August 14, 2011

Silent thoughts, hidden tears

Sometimes I almost forget that you're not perfect,
That you couldn't possibly see through me and know everything I think and feel.
Sometimes, I forget that you're just a boy.
Without even thinking about it, I expect you to understand me,
To feel exactly where I am.
I forget that you can't always do that.
You know me so well and can connect with me no matter where I am,
But there are some times you completely miss it.
It shouldn't be so shocking to me,
I have no right to expect you to always know and understand.
Those moments when you miss it, few though they are,
They affect me far more powerfully than I'd expect,
And far more powerfully than I can bring myself to admit.
I can't let you know about that.
As you disappear in completely the wrong direction, oblivious and unaware,
The tears start to gather in my abandonment.
Then suddenly, those tears fell.
An unexpected overflow of emotion.
You don't know about those tears. You missed them and the reason for them.
You missed it, and now I don't want you to know.
I'm too proud to admit my stupid sensitivity to you.
It's my own fault. You didn't really do anything wrong
I had been denying reality;
I had come to expect so much more from you than I had any right to do.
Then I fell and landed back on reality;
A fall that was reflected in that stupid fall of tears.
We know that I'm not perfect, and neither are you,
So of course we can't be perfect together.
Why is that so hard to remember sometimes?
I get so caught up in all that's so wonderful and right that I forget it's not all easy.
There will always be things that need work,
But I wouldn't want it any other way.
You are so worth the time and effort.
What we have together is more than worth it all.
And I love you.
I just want you to know that.

2 comments:

SL Burlhis said...

<3 I think it's important to remember that we're all sinners, and that Jesus is the only one who can give us perfect love.
When we look to other humans to love the way only Christ can, we hurt both ourselves and the other person by expecting too much from them.
But those are just my first thoughts on reading this poem.

Rachel said...

:) yeah. It can be so easy, when things are going well, to forget that there is only one who is perfect, and that one is not anyone of us. It's good to realize that both so that you don't expect too much and end up hurting yourself and the other person, and so that you can recognize that there is always room for improvement and for growth. It may seem almost as if everything is perfect the way it is, but truly, it isn't. And that means that you can work on things to avoid hurt, and to increase the level of enjoyment and happiness.